Search

Forgiveness.

Aya & Alessa
Aug 11, 2020
3 min read

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” (Catherine Ponder)

I may not be the most reliable person in the world to discuss this topic. However, I would gladly like to share my thoughts and opinions. It is indeed a sensitive subject to touch and I am intimated as I’m writing this. (pls bear with me)

Created by Klara Chavarria

How does it feel not to forgive?

Resentment sucks you in a pit-hole,

drowning yourself deep into the waves

of the unchanging past.

Letting anger feed into your insides,

negative thoughts gnaw at your stomach.

Weaving threads of pain, grudge, and revenge,

darkness blankets you.

Disgusted with self-induced hatred rising from your chest,

you might feel wanting to vomit as if doing so would make you feel anything better.

For sure, you have felt this at least once in your life and we can all agree- forgiving is hard. No words can describe how exhausting it is to live with such anger in your heart. There are circumstances when we can never confront someone physically. Because simply seeing that person, the wound that was in the process of healing will lead to cutting it open again. Even time had passed by, the scab would then be painfully ripped away as if it feels raw after months of space and distance.

But this doesn’t mean you’re not healing.

You are healing.

Trust yourself.

Trust the process.

The act of forgiveness is defined as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you.

But forgiveness does not equal to reconciliation.

You can forgive someone but that doesn’t mean they can stay in your life.

I truly believe forgiveness lifts your spirit and helps you step into the light. It is one of the best feelings to finally let go and move forward. Forgiving people even though they haven’t asked for it- has renewed me in many different ways. It helped me free the strings of disappointment, from what’s been trapping and holding me down.

Do not worry. Forgiveness does not mean the mistake has been justified or they can get away from their wrongdoing.

It truly means that you no longer punish yourself with sadness for what they did.

"Accepting the past as for what it is."

"To offer no resistance to life- to live life through you."

But forgiving someone doesn’t mean you allow you them back into your heart. It doesn’t mean that you give them the key and open the doors to your life- trusting them all over again.

It does mean you accept what happened, learn from it, and start a clean slate.

Society normalizes that forgiveness means you can be friends again and if the other end is not willing, you are labeled as bitter.

We all must know- the forgiver can decide to forgive, but also leave and cut ties.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

You are not less of a person for creating a distance from people who have broken you. You are not bitter or hateful for walking away from a relationship.

See, forgiveness shouldn’t be loosely given just because the offender asked for it. It is a one-man show. It is a battle between you and your thoughts. It starts with you and it is for you. Forgiveness might ease the guilt of the receiver but to those who give it, it is a cleansing, reforming act of self-love.

How often do you forgive yourself from letting the situation go out of hand?

Do you even consider forgiving yourself from letting people hurt you?

How many times have you called yourself stupid due to a mistake?

You’re being too hard on yourself.

(Guilty of this aren’t you?)

We are all human. Tell yourself you are capable of growing.

It is a commendable thing to forgive others, but forgiving yourself is much rewarding and it takes trust and patience from you.

But to be honest, if there is anyone in this world worth forgiving, shouldn’t it be you yourself?